Beauty for Ashes

I hear this quote of Isaiah 63 from others who intend to encourage me during my deep storm. God impressed on my heart that I must embrace the grotesque and wretched state of my past, my sin, and my sin nature in order to embrace the beauty of Jesus Christ redemptive work on the cross for me.
It is a painful process to allow God to tear down every lie, manipulation, and deceit that I have built. The sin I commit today and my very existence clothed in sin nature are drops in the ocean of God’s wrath that were poured out on His Son. Isaiah 53:10 “Yet it God’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer.” Am I humbled and drawn to the beauty of Christ realizing that God stored up creations wrath and held it at bay so He could pour it on his Son?
There are 6 billion people on the planet now. It is estimated that over 106 billion people have lived since the beginning of creation. Imagine each life represents one drop of God’s wrath and that each sin is another drop. Can you begin to imagine what was poured out on Jesus? Can your heart ponder Holy God holding back his wrath until the moment His only Son was handing over? Can you feel the heartache as God unleashes every bit of that Holy wrath on the perfect Lamb and Jesus taking every bit of it?
I am woven into the leather of that whip that tore flesh from his side. My life is in the fist of the soldier who struck my Redeemer in the face. I am in the spit that ran down his face. I was not a bystander in the crowd chanting. I was part of the nail. I am a splinter in the cross that was soaked with the Blood that brought me before God to be presented spotless and free of accusation. Colossians 1:22 “now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.”
Many people are uncomfortable with these thoughts and reject them as sensationalism. It will be considered irreverent to paint such a picture. This flies in the face of strolling in church late, or passing a note during the sermon about lunch plans, or just going through the motions like Christianity is just a bumper sticker. Jesus was beyond recognition as he hung on the cross. Isaiah 53:3 “Like one from whom men hide their faces.” My heart breaks pondering the thought of what he endured for me. John 1:29 “Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!” I must embrace the ashes and crushing of Christ so I can embrace the beauty of God’s love for me.